Pictured: Skeletor rests in Amanda’s little greenhouse.
Relationships are often compared to a garden, and for good reason. Just like a garden, a thriving relationship requires care, intentionality, and shared effort to flourish. It’s not just about fixing what’s wrong; it’s about building something beautiful and meaningful together.
The Problem with Weeds
When couples come to therapy, they’re usually overwhelmed by the “weeds” in their relationship. Weeds symbolize conflict—disagreements, resentment, and unresolved issues that, if left unchecked, can take over everything.
Here’s the thing: many couples focus all their energy on pulling weeds. While removing conflict is important, it’s not enough. A garden doesn’t thrive on weed removal alone.
If all you do is pull weeds without nourishing the soil or watering the plants, nothing will grow. In the same way, relationships need more than conflict management—they need enrichment and care.
Nourishing Your Garden
A flourishing garden comes from deliberate actions to fertilize the soil and water the plants. In a relationship, this means:
Fertilizer: Acts of kindness, appreciation, and love that enrich the foundation of your connection.
Water: Consistent, daily efforts to show up for one another emotionally, physically, and mentally.
Sunlight: Clarity, honesty, and openness that keep your relationship warm and strong.
Without this nourishment, even a weed-free garden will wither. Relationships, like gardens, demand regular attention to grow and thrive.
It’s a Shared Project
A relationship garden isn’t divided into “my side” and “your side.” It’s a collaborative space where both of you plant, grow, and maintain together. This means agreeing on what you want to grow and sharing responsibility for its upkeep.
Maybe you decide to grow trust, intimacy, or shared goals. Each “plant” in your garden represents an aspect of your relationship. What you choose to grow reflects what you value as a couple.
This isn’t a “set it and forget it” process. Building a healthy relationship requires active participation from both partners. You can’t just plant seeds and walk away, hoping something magical will happen.
Routine Maintenance is Key
Every thriving garden needs routine care, and relationships are no different.
Pruning: Letting go of habits, patterns, or behaviors that no longer serve you.
Planting New Seeds: Exploring new ways to connect, try fresh experiences, or invest in shared dreams.
Protecting from Pests: Setting boundaries to guard your relationship from external stressors or negative influences.
You wouldn’t let a garden go untended for weeks or months, and relationships also require consistent care. Even small daily gestures build resilience and health.
Celebrate the Harvest
The point of gardening isn’t just the work—it’s the harvest. A well-tended relationship yields incredible fruits: joy, intimacy, mutual growth, and shared fulfillment. The process itself can be deeply rewarding, but the harvest reminds you why the effort is worth it.
When you take the time to tend your garden together, you create something uniquely beautiful and sustaining—something that enriches both your lives.
A Question for You
What’s growing in your relationship garden right now? Are you pulling weeds? Planting seeds? Maybe you’re overdue for some fertilizer and water.
If you’re not sure where to start, ask yourselves:
What do we want to grow together?
What’s been neglected that needs care?
What can we celebrate in our garden right now?
Your garden is waiting.
Tend to it. Together.